ASM LABZPaste your link. Google's own speed and SEO test runs live on a phone profile. Then the third umpire roasts the results. Free. Savage. Actually useful.
Takes 20 to 40 seconds. Ali takes a long run-up.
VERDICT FOR
OUTTHE ROAST HALL OF SHAME
We've seen every one of these on real business websites. Each comes with a roast and a fix. No names, no shame. Okay, a little shame.
A full-screen video, three sliders and a 6 MB logo. On Indian mobile data, your customer has aged a year before the menu appears.
Fix: Compress images, drop the autoplay video, lazy-load everything below the fold. Aim for main content under 2.5 seconds.
The most valuable line on your site, spent on saying hello. Your customer knows they're on a website. They want to know what you do for them.
Fix: Lead with what you do, for whom, and why you. "Home painting in Talegaon, done in days" beats "Welcome" every time.
Scroll, click, scroll, a 14-field form, a CAPTCHA with traffic lights, and then it emails an inbox nobody opens.
Fix: A WhatsApp and call button on every screen. A short form that lands somewhere someone checks daily.
Five rotating banners. Nobody has ever waited for slide four. Nobody.
Fix: One strong hero with one clear message and one button.
Two people in suits shaking hands in front of a glass building. Also on 40,000 other websites.
Fix: Real photos of your work, your team, your products. Or good illustration. Anything that's actually you.
A 12 MB PDF that opens sideways on a phone. Google can't read it, customers won't.
Fix: Put the content on the page, in HTML. Keep the PDF as a bonus, not the main course.
Nothing says "we might have shut down" like an old copyright year and last Diwali's offer banner.
Fix: Update the basics every quarter: year, offers, projects, a blog post or two.
Google is left to write your pitch for you, usually from your cookie banner.
Fix: A unique title and description on every page, written for the person searching.
NO LINK HANDY? · THE 60-SECOND SELF-ROAST
Tick what's true about your website. Read the full 5-point review for the why behind each check.
DECISION
0/5
OUTClean bowled. Visitors leave before they ever call you. Time for a rebuild.
Get the full reviewTHE RULES OF THE ROAST
Yes. The live roast on this page is free and needs no sign-up. If you want a deeper human review from the ASM Labz team, send us the link and we'll reply within a working day.
We run Google's own PageSpeed Insights test (powered by Lighthouse) on your page using a mobile profile, then turn the numbers into plain-word verdicts: speed, main-content load time, page weight, layout stability, SEO and accessibility.
Most visitors in India browse on phones, often on mobile data. Google's research found 53% of mobile visitors leave a page that takes longer than three seconds to load, so mobile is where websites win or lose.
No. The test runs from your browser to Google. Nothing is saved by us unless you choose to send us the results.
Nothing, unless you want it to. Fix it yourself with the tips, or ask us for a plan. Clear scope before any price, always.